Will someone please tell me what the world is like?
I feel my perspective constantly changing, my opinions and viewpoints always shifting...so much that I never have a grip on what his world is all about.
I want to go everywhere. No really, I want to cover every inch of this earth meeting people and seeing things. I want to read every book ever written. I want to listen to every song, swim in every lake, ocean, and river, hike up every mountain -big or small, sit in the shade of every tree, smell every flower, try every type of food until i'm old, happy and tired. I never want to stop.
I want to feel epic. I want to stand on a stage in front of thousands, run an ultra-marathon, scuba dive through sunken ships, drive the fastest car, skydive and bungee jump and hang glide, ride a wild horse on the beach with my fingers tangled in its mane, my bare feet clinging naturally to its side, I want to feel what its like to fight for what I love.
But I also want to experience everything that is so beautifully normal. I want to draw pictures in foggy bathroom mirrors, eat peanut butter from the spoon, I want to jump in a pool and feel the immediate shocking woosh of cold water on my face, I want to feel my husband's strong hand rest reassuringly on the small of my back, I want to feel his eyelashes on my checks when he kisses me. I want to feel my baby's breath on my coller bone as they rest in my arms. I want to teach my son how to do math problems and make the perfect snowball, catching the love and wonder in his sparkling eyes. I want to run in the crunchy fall leaves and feel alive.
I want muffin-pan dinners and spontaneous flour fights and sheets fresh out of the dryer, I want someone to hold my hand and hold my heart and bring me flowers and tell me I'm beautiful. I want to work so hard every day that I fall asleep in my clothes on the couch and my husband has to carry me to bed like my dad used to do. I want to wake up with the sunlight in my eyes and keep it there until I close them again at night. I never wat to stop singing when I do the dishes or wearing weird grandpa sweaters on sunday afternoons or hoping for the window seat on every flight. I want to try new recipes and cry to stupid songs with my best friends and remember the funny parts of every inside joke I ever had.
I guess I just hope and pray and believe that life will be beautiful despite the inevitable struggles and chaos. Please let me be strong and make it beautiful.